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Officer Dick Downey's Pot Report

My 10-20

Case: Canna-Balm, Green (Topical)  


File Date: 08/02/2016

Case No: 0032

Canna-Balm (Green): Zero Hour

Your Illinois Cannabis Authority

product photo. A round, short wide-mouth white container filled with a pale, sage colored balm.


Here’s another piece of fan mail Officer Downey would like to share with you...

Dear Officer Downey,

My 8-year-old daughter Addison was playing at a neighbor’s house with a few other girls when they got into an argument over a doll. Addison was playing with it first and when the neighbor’s daughter, Gemma, tried to take it from Addison, a leg broke off.

Now Gemma’s mother wants us to pay fifty dollars for the broken doll along with an apology from Addison. We find this to be outrageous and criminal. Can we have them arrested for harassing us like this?

Addison’s Loving Parents

Dear Addison’s Loving Parents:

I am sending SWAT and a Crisis Intervention Team! Please stay away from the windows and doors, wrap Addison in a hypoallergenic survival blanket if you have one, drink plenty of water, and keep calm until we arrive.

Now stop trying to fight your daughter’s battles.

And, remember Addison’s Loving Parents, the next time you turn around, turn around again...ˋcause I’ll be there.

-Officer Dick Downey, Badge #710

Type of Topical: Balm

Purchase Date
: 07/29/2016

: In Grown Farms (IGF)

Packaging & Weight: This balm is packaged in a large-mouthed plastic jar with a safety screw top. The total weight of product is 1oz or 28g.

: (i.e., Sativa, Indica, Hybrid) Not Specified

Genotype: Not Specified

Cannabinoids Profile: THCa .05mg/g of balm; THC 3.50mg/g of balm; CBDa 0%; CBD .03%   There is approximately 100g of THCa & THC in the total product (LK Pure Labs)

TIP: To learn how you can use this cannabinoids data to better your health, see the Cannabinoids Library page.  

: Coconut Oil, Bees Wax, Mixed Cannabis, Amica, Aloe Vera Oil, Vitamin E, Lavender, Wintergreen, Vitimer, Sweet Marjoram   

Physical Characteristics:
Pale, medium sage colored


Primary aromas include coconut (from the oil used), lavender & a light menthyl odor from the wintergreen. The main secondary aroma was from the sweet marjoram.


This balm does not have a creamy consistency in its intact state. It has a solid density, like a container of vegetable shortening. The product itself is thoroughly blended and smooth.

Application & Absorbency: 
When you apply this balm, it spreads and applies evenly, especially as it interacts with your own body heat. Its green color is not visible at all once applied. This reviewer thought I’d have greasy green skin that smelled overwhelmingly of coconut, but that was not the case. Instead, the coconut odor dissipated as the balm absorbed, leaving a very light odor. There was no residual cannabis odor. The balm absorbed quite well, was not greasy once absorbed and it did not take a lot of work to apply.      

Effects & Efficacy
: This reviewer does not suffer from major arthritic or muscle conditions so I can’t speak to its effectiveness in treating bone and/or muscle pain. I used it for moderate dry skin and redness and it did a very good job of addressing those conditions. It also worked well on cracked and dry hands and feet.

IMPORTANT: The effects and efficacy of a topical may vary from patient to patient, sometimes significantly. The effects and efficacy described in this review are those of the reviewer and will not necessarily always reflect the experiences of others. For more information about topicals and how they work, please see the Delivery Methods & Dosage Guidelines learning document.

Rating: 2.5/5

‘Soft Serves’ in suburbia.

-Officer Dick Downey, Badge #710