A few weeks ago I’m getting ready for work and I pull back the shower curtain to turn on the water when I see this nasty yellow and black spider trying to crawl up the side of the tub. Now let's get this straight: Officer Downey is not at all easily frightened. But, when it comes to spiders I've got issues. It goes back to a spider encounter when I was a little kid. Anyway, I turn on the water and, aiming the showerhead at it, I wash that spider out. Let me tell you, that thing did not go down easily. I’d get that spider half way to the drain, and then it would miraculously fight its way back to where it started. The thing was literally jumping up stream! Eventually, I wore it down and it surrendered to the drain.
So I’m in the shower, shampoo in my eyes, when I realize something ain’t right. Water isn’t supposed to feel like it’s crawling on you. Squinting, I look down and to my shock I see that yellow and black spider had come up the spout again and was now climbing up my ankle! My leg with the spider on it goes flying up out of reflex > my foot hits the hot water faucet handle, which moves it all the way to its hottest position > I scream from being scalded > I’m now hopping on one foot > I grab the faucet and manage to turn it all the way to its coldest > I lose my balance > I grab the shower caddy in a useless effort to stop my fall > I end up on my back as bottles of shampoo and body soap go flying everywhere > lying there, I look up just in time to see that damn spider jump from the top of the showerhead like a cliff diver right at me, landing directly on my unmentionable! > Scream! > Freak out! > I grab a Finesse Conditioner bottle to hit the spider > the spider jumps out of the way at the last second > I bash myself right in the twins!
You know what? After I treated my injuries, I set that damn spider free.
Type: Hybrid. Unsure of dominance. Felt like around 60%/40% Sativa-leaning
Genotype: Colombian Afghan = Colombian X Afghan
Cultivator: Bedford Grow
Purchase Date: 03/10/2017
Packaged On: 02/14/2017
Harvested On: 11/17/2017
Net Weight: 3.54g
Purchase Price: $60, + tax
NOTE: I do not identify dispensaries in my reviews. However, if you want to know the shop that's offering this pricing, I will provide it to anyone who requests it.
Cannabinoids Profile: THCa 25.48%; THCv 1.65%; THC .89%; CBDa 0%; CBD 0%; CBN .37% (LK Pure Labs)
TIP: To learn how you can use this cannabinoids data to better your health, see the Cannabinoids Library page.
Phenotype Profile: Sage and light greens with lots of brown-copper pistils and a thorough coating of trichomes. These buds were definitely on the dry side.
Bud Density: 4 [1 – 5]
Terpene Profile: Alpha-Bisabolol 0.0225%; Beta-Caryophyllene 0.1156%; Alpha-Humulene 0.0479%; Limonene 0.1629%; Linalool 0.0403%; Beta-Myrcene 0.8644%; Ocimene 0.1063%; Beta-Pinene 0.0440% (LK Pure Labs)
TIP: To learn how you can use this terpenes data to better your health, see the Terpenes Library page.
In their intact state, these buds smelled lightly of Hazy earth with notes of black tea. Once ground, I detected Haze-like and citrus pungent qualities, though the intensity of the aromas were at about half strength. When smoked, I tasted mostly sweet earth with some very light, pungent, Hazey flavors. Because these buds were quite dry, the terps had degraded and the flavors and aromas were very subdued.
Effects: These set of effects start out with a type of clean energy cerebral high, which is soon joined by a mellow relaxing body element. Overall, I’d describe it as a 60/40 Sativa-leaning high with a minor body component. I noticed a little delayed onset (slight creeper) too. I should point out that, as you may have noticed above, this batch had some THCv in it, which is also mildly psychoactive and may have contributed to the extra “clean” cerebral effects. Overall, I found the effects to be significantly less potent than I’d expect, which may be because of this batch’s degradation.
Duration of Effects: 1-1.5 hours
May Help With: Helped with stress. May also help with mood, anxiety, mild body, muscle and nerve pain, appetite (and more)
This particular sample was on the too-dry side to experience the full terps and effects. This was a well-cared for bud and would have been at least a solid 4/5 if it had been fresher/not too dry. I've found that lately Bedford's flower is often on the brittle, overly dry side. If I get a fresh batch, the dryness is minimal, but when I get a batch that's a few months old, it is typically bone dry and grinds to dust with one turn of the grinder.
NOTE: For details about this 1-5 Rating Scale, click here.
The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again...and kicked my ass.
And remember, the next time you turn around, turn around again... 'cause I'll be there.
-Officer Dick Downey, Badge #710
Colombian Afghan: The Itsy-Bitsy Rube Goldberg
Case: Colombian Afghan (flower)
File Date: 04/03/2017
Case No: 104
Officer Dick Downey's Pot Report
Your Illinois Cannabis Authority
Twitter | @OfficerDowney