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I worked long and hard to erase from my memory a particularly disturbing arrest that occurred back in April. Then this week a lawyer contacts me to see if I’ll testify in a related civil case and the whole damn thing penetrates my mind all over again...
The call came in on the afternoon of April 1st. Dispatch said there was an “attempted poisoning incident” at a well-known insurance company. I get over there and right away I can tell something is off . Some employees are giggling among themselves while others appear stiff and distraught. It’s April Fools, so I’m starting to wonder if a prankster cop buddy is tryin to get a rise outta me.
Building security is holding the alleged perp and victim in separate rooms. So I ask what the status of the victim is and this young rent-a-cop says, “It ain’t really that kind of poisoning, officer. I-I mean, uh, the bus is on its way but it’s not an emergency. He’ll be okay.” “No kiddin doc,” I say. “And how the hell do you know that the vic is going to be okay? Now quit jerkin me around.” The kid takes me to the victim.
I enter a small meeting room and there’s a 50-something guy sitting at a conference table. He looks flush and sweaty, and angry. I tell him the ambulance is coming and then I ask him if he has any idea what type of substance he may have ingested and if it was accidental or not. He says, and I quote: “Well, the best way I can answer your question is to say that if I stood up right now, it probably would be considered sexual harassment.”
Seems the perp - a recent college grad - felt shafted by his boss over a promotion, so this tool thought it would be a funny April Fool’s prank to give his manager a Viagra-laced cupcake on “Fun-To-Eat-Treat Fridays”. According to witnesses I interviewed (p.s. thanks for the memories), the little blue pill took over right when this guy was at the climax of a presentation to a big client.
Method of Extraction: Butane
Type: Sativa-dominant Hybrid (approximately 65% / 35%)
Genotype: Golden Goat = Island Sweet Skunk X [ Hawaiian X Romulan ]
ISS = Skunk #1 pheno X Sweet Skunk Romulan = White Rhino X Sativa N.A.
The origins: Hawaiian/Romulan male crossed with Mr. Dank’s Island Sweet Skunk mother. Originated in Topeka, it was an accidental pollination that led to the final genetics of this strain. Supposedly named after a recycling company from that part of Kansas.
Cultivator: Green Thumb Industries (GTI)
Date Purchased: 08/17/2016
Delivery Method(s) Used: Glass dab rig w/ quartz nail
Cannabinoids Profile: THCa 68.32%; THC 3.20%; CBDa 0%; CBD 0% (ACT Labs)
TIP: To learn how you can use this cannabinoids data to better your health, see the Cannabinoids Library page.
Characteristics: This was a thick, medium-yellow patty with the consistency of cookie dough. Very fresh, too.
Terpene Experience: In its intact state, this sample emitted a powerful dose of the unmistakable sharp aromas of Golden Goat. When dabbed, this wax tasted of the flower: sour grapefruit, citrus, melon, skunk pungency and sweetness. Excellent terpenes profile, especially for a regular (i.e., non-live resin) wax concentrate.
TIP: To learn all about terpenes, see the Terpenes Library page.
Effects: The effects are a sustained cerebral and somewhat trippy experience combined with a mild body high in the background. Lots of energy. This is some powerful stuff with the potential for spaciness.
Duration of Effects: 1.5-2 hours
May Help With: mood, stress, depression, fatigue, nausea, ADD/ADHD, mental & creative focus, mild body and/or nerve pain for some (and more)
Impressive terpenes for a non-live resin wax and on-point effects, but potency was on the low end.
NOTE: For details about this 1-5 Rating Scale, click here.
Boner. There; I said it.
And remember, the next time you turn around, turn around again. . .'cause I'll be there.
-Officer Dick Downey, Badge #710
Officer Dick Downey's Pot Report
Your Illinois Cannabis Authority
Case: Golden Goat (wax)
File Date: 08/25/2016
Case No: 0042
Golden Goat: Also Means "Stupid Mistake"