Your Illinois Cannabis Authority
This perp gets the gold medal at the 2016 Officer Downey Games for the laziest and dumbest criminal of the month, and maybe for the entire year.
This past Sunday evening a call comes over my radio that a man was discharged from the ER about an hour prior and apparently stole a running ambulance parked outside the entry. While there are many reasons why it’s not a good idea to steal an ambulance, the most problematic reason is that ambulances are equipped with GPS tracking that emits a location signal at all times.
It didn’t take me long to track the ambulance about 10 miles away from the hospital. It was parked in the driveway of the perp’s apartment. I found the guy fast asleep in his bed. After I cuffed him, I had to ask this moron why he would steal an ambulance. He replied, and I quote: “I missed the last bus. Why?”
Method of Extraction: Butane
Type: Sativa-Dominant Hybrid (breakdown unknown)
Genotype: Strawberry Cough = Strawberry Fields X Haze
There are both Indica- and Sativa-leaning cuts of this strain. GTI labels this particular cut a Sativa.
Strawberry Fields is a 100% Indica strain
Cultivator: Green Thumb Industries (GTI)
Date Purchased: 08/17/2016
Delivery Method(s) Used: Glass dab rig w/ quartz nail
Cannabinoids Profile: THCa 57.42%; THC 3.35%; CBDa 0%; CBD .50% (ACT Labs)
TIP: To learn how you can use this cannabinoids data to better your health, see the Cannabinoids Library page.
Characteristics: This sample was a thin, hard, flat slab of neon yellow wax.
Terpenes Experience: In its intact form, this sample gave off very light pungent and sweet notes. When dabbed, there was pungency up front with a light sweetness on the exhale. No detection of strawberry.
TIP: To learn all about terpenes, see the Terpenes Library page.
Effects: This was a very pleasant, no-anxiety, mostly Sativa experience. Provided a dose of clean energy without any raciness.
Duration of Effects: 1.5+ hours
May Help With: mood, stress, anxiety, appetite, nausea, headaches and migraines, promotes creativity (and more)
Accurate effects, though the terpenes and potency were subdued with this sample.
NOTE: For details about this 1-5 Rating Scale, click here.
Lesson Learned: Certain Shaved Ape sub-species are inclined to steal ambulances.
And remember, the next time you turn around, turn around again. . .'cause I'll be there.
-Officer Dick Downey, Badge #710
Case: Strawberry Cough (wax)
File Date: 08/24/2016
Case No: 0041
Strawberry Cough: He Don't Need No Stinking Buses
Twitter | @OfficerDowney
Officer Dick Downey's Pot Report